This Ain’t No Pity Party

I’ve been griping a lot here, and I realize that hasn’t been the best tone to set especially since I’m about reclamation and making peace with my circumstances.  It’s just that as soon as I started this blog, things took a darker turn, plus there was an onslaught of articles and book releases about how much it sucks to be single, and how you have to change yourself to get a date.

It also got really cold all of a sudden in NYC, work was kicking my butt, and I was generally overwhelmed. I didn’t like how I felt, or how I looked, and so I was feeling sorry for myself.

Anyway, eff all that. This ain’t gonna be a pity party.

I remembered that one of my favorite sociologists Eric Klinenberg recently published a book (Going Solo) that has documented with evidence, DATA, that more people than ever are single and that some of them might actually enjoy their lives and make meaningful contributions to society.

And I just discovered a writer/researcher, Bella DePaulo, who crusades against what she calls singlism, or discrimination against the unattached. In this recent Psychology Today article,Top Ten Odes To Single People, she collects Internet posts that are actually positive about single adults:


Happen magazine is featuring an article about 10 advantages of being single. My favorite? “You’re free to pursue the life you want.”


Alternet showcased an article by Chanel Dubofsky, “Why I love being alone.” My favorite quote: “Being alone makes me feel powerful and peaceful. It makes me feel like my brain is a gold mine, and I’m so happy to have this imagination. Being alone has always felt deeply indulgent to me, like a day off or being able to buy whatever you want.”


The November/December 2012 issue of the AAA magazine, Westways, featured a story, “Going solo: Celebrating the rise of the single traveler.” As part of the celebration, the “Travel Smart” columnists are out to slay the single supplement.



An Atlantic magazine story musters decades of data to poke some giant holes in the mythology that single-parent families are to blame when murder rates increase.


Over at Slate, Pamela Gwyn Kripke is not just defending against the typical derogation of single mothers and their kids. She makes an affirmative case in her article, “It’s better to be raised by a single mom.”


In an interview about her new memoir, My Beloved World, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor was asked about not having kids. In response, she said that “families can be made in other ways and I marvel at the support I’ve derived from friends. In their constant embrace, I have never felt alone.”


A headline at the Huffington Post promised a story about “the best day of my life.” Usually, in a woman’s life, the “best day” is supposed to be her wedding day. In this instance, the story was about Alexandra Pelosi, and she was not talking about a walk down the aisle. Instead, she was referring to her Sundance Film Festival debut.

 DePaulo also argues that The Atlantic article that shows that singles end up paying more over a lifetime than marrieds is actually a GOOD thing and not something to be upset about because it validates with data and evidence what singles have suspected for a long time.

So I’ve got some ammunition to battle my malaise and forge on in my quest to own my spinsterhood. Cause you know what? I’m kinda awesome. Well, sorta. And my life doesn’t exactly suck. That much.

And just to be clear, none of this means that I’m against finding someone. I think my last post makes it obvious that ideally…it would be nice. But another theme of this blog is that I know it’s probably not the most realistic thing. For a lot of reasons. Like doing dumb things when cute boys talk to me like run off and/or make weird faces. And not going out at all when explicitly invited cause I’m lazy.

The term “spirit animal” is way overused these days so I’m gonna call Mariah my Tutelary Spirit. And this song has been guiding me lately.


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